Lesson 11 Building Emerging Social Skills

For many parents, it’s very important that their children learn to play with and enjoy being with other children. When we consider who we, as adults, choose to spend time and socialize with, it’s generally accepted that we choose to be around people who are reinforcing to us.  These “friends” may be reinforcing because they enjoy doing the same things or talking about the same topics we do. They may compliment us, support us when we are in need, or offer some other type of generalized reinforcement and we do the same for them.

We generally don’t choose to be around people who are aversive or punishing. In addition, while we may tolerate many people who don’t generally reinforce us in order to work or participate in organizations, we don’t choose to be around them if we don’t “have to”. In this case, the reinforcing value of the activity or work may compensate for the “aversiveness” of the individual. On occasion, people who we initially find “aversive” may end up being reinforcing after enough “pairing” with other reinforcing conditions.

You may find that other children may not be as interested or as skilled in providing this non-contingent reinforcement. In fact, children, in their typical wonderful nature, tend to be loud, active, pushy and quite unpredictable. Young children tend to be natural “egocentric” and would much rather “take” than “give.” These natural “childlike” behaviors may be very aversive to some children with ASD due to the nature of their sensory system. If this is the case, being “forced” into contact with typically developing children for long periods of time can actually pair other children with aversive conditions or punishment and thus make it even more difficult to teach social skills.

In addition to making it more likely that the child will steer away from typically developing children, inappropriate attempts to “socialize” may actually increase self-stimulating behavior. As we know, self-stimulating behaviors are automatically reinforcing. The more they are engaged in, the more they will occur in the future. It is critical that the child not be allowed to just “sit and stim” in the classroom, shutting out all that goes on around him. To untrained observers, it may appear that the child is very good at entertaining himself, but trained observers can tell the difference between “stimming” and solitary play.

1. 1.     Modify

Unfortunately, the child is often unable to tell us what bothers him so we can only infer based on his behaviors in the specific and/or other similar settings in the past. While we don’t want to intentionally subject the child to anything that he may find aversive, we also have to be careful not to reinforce any negative behaviors by removing the aversive conditions immediately following a negative behavior (Negative reinforcement). It is therefore better to plan ahead and avoid situations which may be difficult rather than react after the child “tells us” he’s uncomfortable by engaging in problem behaviors.

Determine if any changes can be made in the environment to allow the child to be more comfortable. The specific modifications necessary are determined on an individual basis because each child has a different tolerance level, but some ideas to consider include the following; if the child has exhibited sensitivity to different types of lighting, perhaps that can be changed. Do children wander from center to center or are their limits to the number of children that can be in any one center at a time? Often, the presence of fewer children in the immediate environment will be more tolerable. During circle/group, perhaps the child can initially sit away from the group if too much “closeness” is difficult for the child to tolerate. If there tends to be too much confusion and unpredictability during transition times, perhaps the child can transition just before of after the other children.

1. Pair

Initial pairing with other children is often best conducted with one other child present. At school perhaps a somewhat older or higher functioning child can be enlisted to help teach the child. Perhaps an entire classroom can be recruited with specific children rewarded for completion of their work or demonstrating appropriate behavior by being allowed to participate. Teachers can often be of assistance in determining which children would be good candidates. At home, you may consider a sibling or neighbor or set-up a play date with a child from school. Many children really enjoy being “helpers” and will gladly take on the role.

It is important to offer the typically developing child reinforcement for their efforts. First have the child deliver all of the child’s favorite reinforcers with no demands. Play the child’s favorite games, including the typically developing child. Talk to the typically developing child about how the child likes and does not like to be talked to, touched, played with etc. and reinforce the typically developing child when he/she takes these factors into considerations when playing with the child

We have often seen typically developing children begin to support the child with ASD in the classroom, in the cafeteria or on the playground.  For example, the child might inform another student or teacher that the child with ASD “doesn’t like loud sounds” nor “needs a break.”  This can be very helpful to the classroom in general because often the teacher has so many things requiring attention that she is unable to “tune in” to the special needs of the child with ASD. The more people who are aware and sensitive to the child’s behaviors, the more likely it is that problems can be addressed before a tantrum begins! In addition, friendships are often formed between the children that grow as the children grow allowing additional opportunities for the child with ASD to participate in social settings such as birthday parties and play dates.

Before enlisting a child you may consider calling the parents of the child prior to speaking with the child. You may want to give them some information about ASD and your child and let them know the benefits to your child and the benefits for the typically developing child. You can also let the parents know why their child was choosing (teacher recommendation, helpfulness, willingness to play with the child with ASD).

1. 1.     Social Cues

In addition to teaching the child to tolerate their environment and engage in activities with peers, it is also important for us to teach the child skills that will make the socialization process easier. A child who does not have the desire or skills to communicate socially with others will tend to emit little spontaneous language. By paying attention to the social-emotional basis of communication we can teach the child to share their experiences with others and learn about others experiences.

For “early learners” you may work on teaching to exchange simultaneously in an activity with another person, to engage in non-vocal verbal behavior to share affect, request and gain information. For “Intermediate learners”, we want to start adding manding for information and beginning conversation, i.e. asking personal information questions.  For the “advanced learners” we want to add discriminating between facts and opinions, perspective taking and tolerance of different perspectives.

By consciously attending to the social-emotional aspects of communication and human interaction, we can increase the likelihood that children will not only learn the functions of communication but will use their communication skills to build social relationships.

Tracy Vail,MS,CCC/SLP